~ momentous evolutions ~

moments...
good or bad..
at times they leave a deeper impact on us...
leave us weak, numb, blank, shocked and lost behind..
so does she was...
weak for being unable to bear it with courage and pride...
numb as she didn't know how to react...or it was like a pain shock-wave that took all her senses away...
blank in a sense that her mind start triggering endless thoughts...things...all variates with each other in a subtle manner...she didn't know what to say...got stuck with making one single decision regarding which one is necessary to express and which is better left unsaid...
and...
shocked on the way she ignored the ongoing protest by her body...those tears...rolling down her cheek...shortening of breath...that feeling of suffocation...that fastening  pace of her pumping heart...making her sweat like she's been running hard and fast for miles...since ages...
lost on the fact that she actually had accepted that helplessness...
helplessness in the way her tongue got glued..like its been immobile forever...like it never ever have uttered a single word...
helplessness with the stinging feeling in her body...like someone have knocked you down over the bed of sharp pointed thorns..
helplessness for being so bound...bound by the unseen chains of wisdom, peace, respect and compromise...
oh this clever compromise thing...
i've been wrong...wrong with underestimating the ones who claim this new phase of life as a second name of compromise...
with sinking feeling...lost mind...and devastated heart..i accept this...
i am shown to the essence of wholesomeness of this...
another name of compromise...
it indeed is...
or was it possible that i'm listening something about him and unable to defend or protect...never!
i've never ever allowed anyone to surpass that barrier..regardless of my tolerance for things beyond it..
and i've again surprised myself...
she recalled the day of her first unpredictable reaction infront of her childhood love...when she stood for other half of her soul...
for her it was more about owning her half-soul with that defending thing...she remember the way she made it clear that in no possible way she's gonna allow anyone to say or improvise anything about him...that was the first time she had taken stand for her half-soul against her childhood love...
she can never forget that face...the expressions on it...those elderly eyes filled with love and tears for her...surrendering to her emotional side of personality...making commitment and accepting it with love and pride...
and then its now...
now when she's just unable to look in mirror...afraid of looking back at herself...
like she has done an irreparable damage to herself...
how come she can be so unjust with it?
why can't she have taken stand for her childhood love in that exact manner that she had done against him?
and that moment is far gone...but..left her with taunting questions and riots in her soul...
all she's trying to do now, is to assure herself..it has not happened...trying to forget it like some nightmare...
she said to herself...this in not me...as she barely can recognize her...
and she know this is not her...or maybe she's not same anymore!