~ Terror-stricken over Nightmares ~

Don't leave please....she was begging...
imploring him to let her stay with him...
she was holding the door...he was closing hard..
she held the door tightly with her fingers...
crying...
shivering...
the thought was making her furious...
was afraid of not being with him...
but...
he was a stone-heart...
all numb towards her pleading...
pushing the door hard...
grinding her fingers between the door and wall...
the fingers he used to praise...
and..
and he atrociously knocked her...
his barbarous acts were unfamiliar to her...
still she was somehow hopeful..
looking for his well known charming signs...
and they were no where...
she felt like a fish...a fish on land...with no water around..
tasting death...drop by drop...
asking her ruthless partner to save her...
and he closed the door...
now she can see the blood flowing out of her jarred fingers...
and before closing her eyes permanently..
all she remember was hearing his loud devilish shriek...
......
she woke up with the shock...
all sweating badly...
gasping...
her breath was shortened as she has been running long...chasing or being chased...she don't exactly know...
and she shouted...
'free me....free me from all these nightmares....free me...'
and let me happy for once and for all...
i'm happy...
don't snatch it from me...
'just free me! '

~ sphallolalia grâce à oneirataxia ~

its been two hours n i'm feeling as helpless as dumb..

completely alexithymiac...

i'm so lost...

lost in you...

lost the ability to duende...

to express..

how in the world will i ever be able to get over this feeling...

this phenomena of drinking your aura...drop by drop...

tasting ur persona...bite by bite...

but...

leaving my soul more thirsty...more hungry...more devastated...every single time...

this feeling...aaahhh....this cant be dressed with words...

its natural...blunt... n basic nakedness is its power...

power to cast spell...n leave one hypnotized..

and if i'm given the power to speak exactly how you make me feel.....i'm afraid i'll be taken as fabulist...

but this cannot change the truth....not at all...not even a fraction of it...

and all i want now is to lose my sanity to you...

want you to hold my hand and take me to a faraway land...

where we can have our happily ever after...

no more empty returns...no more detachments...no more bounded apart-ness..

does this make sense to anyone? i guess No...

do i care? obviously No...

all i know now is letting it all flowing out...

like a stream...

making its own...pattern-less way...to its destination..you!

....untitled....

Mohabbat Farz Jaisi Hai, Nibhaana Seekh Jaaoge..

Dilon Pe Qarz Jaisi Hai, Chukaana Seekh Jaaoge..

Labon Pe Phool Jaisi Hai, Khilaana Seekh Jaaoge..

Nazar Mein Aag Jaisi Hai, Lagaana Seekh Jaaoge..

Tum Tak Faasla Jo Hai, Mitaana Seekh Jaaoge..

Kabhi Jo Dil Mein Aa Beithe, Zamaana Bhool Jaaoge …!

~ the reason i like Bob Marley ~

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there....
Similarly, he’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you....”

― Bob Marley

and I found mine!!

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around...
You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more....
You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you....
When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement....
They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself....
Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful....
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around...
You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are...
The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever....
Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again....
Colours seem brighter and more brilliant...
Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all....
A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face....
In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby....
Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you....
You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do....
Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon....
You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible....
You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you....
You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end....
Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile....
Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life....
and all this is written to tell you,
if you ever find someone like this....never let them go...
and i'm blessed enough to write this with shivering hands and tears in my eyes...
i found mine!!!

~ the charisma of redamancy ~

she's growing incalescent n getting lovesick...

and so does he is affected to do...

like she's born to love and live while learn n give..

she loves being a rebellious soul..

free from the social chains..haunted past..n a unknown future..

there's nothing she care about..

all she care for, is her present with him...

the present filled with the presence of love, blessings and happiness..

she tell him...LIVE!! just live...

live like there's no tomorrow..like there was no yesterday..

live with the faith that there's only today...

today to joy...today to love...today to learn...today to grow...and today to make it a better yesterday for a livelier tomorrow...

and she's teaching him, her carefree ways of ruling the world...not with the head but with the hearts..

showing him what living like a gypsy mind is...with having a plan to make no plan at all..but to discover ownself..

and she preaches 'going with the flow has perks of its own...you need not to worry about how its gonna work...how it will turn out...how its going to affect you...or till how far it can actually keep you happy...what you've to do is...to go with the flow...to let yourself get drowned in the whirlpool of unexpected happenings...or let your thoughts fly aimlessly in the swirling cyclones of consecutive life bringings...'

This is what its all about...to emit love and receive in return...like a sonar...that throws the sound and get it back once repelled..

this is what she has ought to act as for the rest of her life..

as this seems the perfect roadmap for a flourishing and cherished life to spend with him..n till now it has worked as a charm for them...or as she put it 'a good luck charm'...and they know it right deep in their hearts...this is their love story...one never told or heard...but one worth living for!!!

~ untitled echoes ~

The fragrance of 'if only' was in the air..

and I was sitting there, again reading those lovely quotations...

laughing on few of them..as well as recalling the ones i had read somewhere too..

they al were making connections..individually yet collectively..and each of them fits perfectly on us...

like...

they say love is about taking risks together and staying strong for one another even if things don’t turn out as good as planned..this is what I've planned to do...taking risks for you...with you.. 

I've read in some philosophical trivia that love cures people – Both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it..m so amazed to knw how true it is..i'm healed..my drug MUS-cinguloman effectively affected me...made me all good...n keeps on making it work over n over again...coz the more and more I spend time with you, the more and more I realize I am doing the one thing I told myself I would never do again and that’s falling in love...

Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends..hmmm thts why the middle cushion of the sofa in drawing room is the only place we sit..

Years back while watching last scene of rehna hai tery dil main..where diya says, something similar to this, to maddy..tm gadhy ho mgr phir bhi main tmsy pyaar krti hon..i imagined..he might say someday to me 'You’re weird, obnoxious, crazy and a complete idiot. But you know what? I still love you'...and I'll tell him 'yeah i know how crazy i am but even my stupid conversations make sense when you are the one I'm  talking to'...

And it was written in a novel..There are 4 steps to happiness:

1.You, 2. Me, 3. Our Hearts, 4. Together!

..and i want to add forever in it...Sj n Vj together forever ;) 

In some novel the hero said to heroine..

'when you look at sky your eyes reflects and shine like stars'

..ummm..well in my version of story..I don't need the stars to make my night shine, all I need is your eyes...to stare in mine and make them shine!!

I realize that the best relationship is ours Sj...in which our love for each other exceed our need for each other...with each sunset for another sunrise..

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion...and Sj i promise you all of it :)

Our love is not blind; it simply has enabled us to see things in each other that others fail to see....like the best feeling is when i look at you & is so stunned to see..you already staring at me..

They say...when you’re growing in love with someone, it’s wonderful to watch your friends and family falling in love with that person too...Sj looking at you i found this true :) n i know this is just a beginning...a beautiful yet blessed one..why to call it happy ending at all?

Everyone deserves a person that can make their heart forget that it was ever broken...i found mine :) you have my heart Sj and I've yours...and we'll guard it with our lives...In shaa Allah...

And lastly this one...*diagnosis of my sleeplessness lol*...Love is when you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams...thus the reason of me being insomniac...blame yourself :p

......Sj......i love you.....n it is not being in LOVE that makes me happy… But it is being in LOVE with you that makes me happy!!!!..........ummmm this may not make sense to anyone but do you need the presence of sense in it to get it? ;) <3  

..and the princess is enslaved in castle!

She put her crown aside...
sat on the floor to feel herself alive...
looked around the luxurious room..
well decorated....well designed..well equipped...
but not a single thing was making her happy..
she sighed...
and asked herself...
why at times the happiness feels so shallow....
so temporary...so faded...so superficial...
why ain't its as deep..as addictive...as it penetrates with the venom of love..
why it is so short-lived..
or is this slavery that takes the happiness away?
she was disturbed with this assumed correlation...
why she is feeling being tied with the invisible knots..
enslaved to some unseen master ...
bounded by the hidden boundaries..
locked behind an underlying cell...
like she's been lost..
for instance..
she has been somewhere else..where she was happy...
n now all she's seeing around is materialism...
shallow-ness...slavery...boundness..
why she always get here...
why this cell always haunts her...
took her back from her nirvana..
why she always have to get through this...
her rebellious soul is deadly injured...
but still...
not ready to give up...
not ready to let her fall prey to the slavery again...
to bound herself as a good looking showpiece...
a centerpiece worth appreciation for its beauty...
being adored for its looks and usefulness rather than being owned with the scars...
what a pity on her....to be known like this...
she want deformity in herself ...
ugliness on her skin...
all she want now is to turn herself into a disgusting, hateful and ugliest one...
she want to cut her hairs short or to get bald...
to put on hundreds of pounds till she can move no more...
to tan her skin till she transform into a coal...
and she want to continue with it till she destroy her outerself...
till no residue of her appearance remains...
till she's left with her soul...
no strings attached to her body...
and..
then......
she want to be loved for who she is!!!

~ its only you i want in heaven ~

and she was stunned..
shocked with his words...
she was not expecting such gratitude of love when she was teasing him when he told her that he want to be with.. her in Jannah as well
she said;
'soch len..wahn mje 70,000 hooron ki malka bnaya jaega tou mainy 70 ki 70 hazar hooron ko mehal se out krdena...full possessive ban jaongi main..'
and she was mesmerized...star-stuck...numb with overwhelming happiness.. with his reply...
he said;
'Vj..its only you i want even in Jannah as well...none else...not even hoor...u r my hoor..u r prettiest for me..'
his eyes were witnessing the truth behind is words...
she couldn't stop her tears...
was crying in his arms...
deeply touched...
madly loved...
completely grateful to him..
and..
eternally thankful to Allah SWT...
yes Sj...
its true when i say...
u have made me love u...
all madly again...
u have restored my faith on existence of love...
belief on pure love...
trust on true love...
and i owe you my life for it...
i swear Sj..
this all means a lot to me..
knowing everything..
and loving me back...
more than anyone...is not something ordinary for me...
Um..
this all means a lot to me...
this means living a new, pure and blessed life...
a life with Allah's blessing in it...
for sure :)

P.S:
I love u loads Sj :)